Right now I think its drudgery because, maybe for the first time, I'm doing my due diligence -- and it hurts. It hurts to wait until I have collected all the information I can on both sides of the decision. It's uncomfortable not knowing. It's anxiety-producing not feeling in control and not being able to direct all my attention to one solid path.
Yes, I know this is the world of adulthood, but I don't have decisiveness skills yet.
Yes, I'm aware that I should have come into adulthood with them, but it didn't happen.
Instead, what happened was decades of impulsiveness in an attempt to save myself, in a desperate attempt each time to survive, going from job to job, moving from place to place, shifting not only because of anxiety and fear but because I didn't make a solid decision in the first place.
Impulsive decisions followed by impulsive actions followed by impulsive decisions and so on.
Until one day you notice that life has become about going around and around in circles, getting nowhere, repeating the same things over and over.
And then one day, maybe years later, you decide to get serious about doing something about it.
That's where I find myself this morning. Frustrated with this process, yet proud of myself for stepping into it.
Have you found decsiveness yet? Or do you feel like you are going around in circles too?