People are throwing around the word “Narcissist” it seems everywhere on social media these days to describe their ex's who are difficult to get along with. I have known quiet a few, self-centred, selfish people in my time, but they weren't narcissists in the true sense of the word, they were just incredibly …. well... selfish.
However, if you have ever had a close relationship with a narcissist, you will certainly know the difference between someone who is selfish and someone who is narcissistic. The narcissist has a complete lack of humility or empathy.
They are kings and queens in their own mind's eye. In their world they should come first and foremost every time. They will cajole, manipulate and stamp over anyone who disagrees with them or steps in their way if it doesn’t suit their immediate needs.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognised as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes. *
I grew up with first hand experience of what it was like to live with a narcissist, she was my mother. She was cruel and manipulative, I understand she still is, but I was lucky. Five years ago I went “No Contact” as they call it. I have only, had to speak to her once and that was out of necessity as my father had passed away. She screamed at me for a good 30 minutes on the call, wanting to know how I knew my father (her enabler) had been moved to a different nursing home. Apparently, no-one was supposed to know he had been moved. She had wanted total control, she wanted to play the grieving widow, even though she had remarried and moved on for 14 years, as they say “Se la vie.”
Growing up with a narcissist is difficult, it doesn't teach you what a healthy relationship is, so it's no wonder we can bounce around later in life from one narcissistic abuser to another... Until we find out what it is that we are actually missing... A healthy relationship. Yes, they do exist and no they are not actually as rare as unicorn poop as many might leave you to believe!